Do not love me

If you don’t love me

Dont hold me tight

Set me free

Don’t be blind

If you don’t love me

Please be kind

Don’t kiss me

Then say goodbye.

-vera-

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A piece of me

Wandering across that abandoned sky

There it goes…

A piece of me gone astray

Stumbling upon shattered imaginings.

You have drawn it towards you

And then thrown it away.

So there it is once more,

Far, far away…

Buried in the casket of loneliness,

It surrendered to your sweet embrace.

Teased by your caresses.

Broken by defenselessness.

Fear and loathing I curse once more,

To the tragedy love bestowed

Upon a heart who knew not anything

But hollow and empty dreams.

-vera-

 

The Riddle

I can’t pour my heart out, the feelings, the anguish, the pain, neither the happiness nor the love… every emotion succumb to knowing what is right and what is just. Every word I breathe is a riddle from the truth that I feel. It is a clicking time bomb. I am trap in an oubliette and it has become my comfort ground. I am far from the world where I used to be. I have built my own world with barricades from my own self. I have become a stone.

I am surrounded by lies, betrayal, greed and lust, fenced with poverty and sin.  These coat the world that I see. It is cruel but fate have given me worse. It took away everything and everyone I can hold on to and placed them where I can’t find the comfort of blaming their absence.  I have cried until even tears have left my eyes and as if it was not enough, when I was at my  lowest, temptation came in forms of gold and chocolates. It taunted and teased me with its false warmth and security.

The riddle…

The truth behind my smile is tears.

The past behind my strength is pain.

-vera-

Competing Shadow

 

I stared at you and you seem so distant.

You look at me but you don’t really see.

I wondered what your thoughts were.

Were they about me or the shadow behind me?

 

You stood from where you were sitting,

took a step and started walking.

I followed at your back and still wondering,

were they about me or the shadow behind me?

 

I stopped but you didn’t notice,

along the curve you continued walking.

I embraced my heart as it started raining,

were they about me or the shadow behind me?

 

I run towards the curve

dumbfounded and confused,

then I watch you stood there in the rain crying.

Were they about me or the shadow behind me?

 

From where you were standing,

Is a name engraved in the stone.

From where her bones are sleeping, your heart was pouring.

They were not about me, but for the shadow behind me.

-vera-

Waking Up

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how

I don’t know why

I got scared

I was mad

I did not understand

I can’t sleep

I can’t run

I can’t even write

It’s all new

It’s all a lie

I am confused

I am lost

I need to pray

I need to live

I need to love

One more time

 

-vera-

DECISIONS!

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Every day we are trying to figure out who we are, what we want, who we live for, who we love, why we love them, what our belief is… Every day is a struggle of decisions. Sometimes we do trial and errors, we make decisions that give a better result and sometimes we make decisions that lead to drastic conclusions.

Our life is our own, our choices are our own. We face things the way we know how to. We ask counsels and advices from people whom we look up to, but at the end of the day we are the one who decides what to do with our lives. It is our experiences that teaches us most things. It is our gut that helps us decide things.

We are all the same but different. We travel the same places, we eat the same food, we wear the same shit, we break hearts and we get ours broken. We make some happy, others sad. But the emotions, the feeling, the thoughts we have while we experience these things differ from others. The circumstances of our lives are different. The people who we crossed paths with are different. The teachings and the lessons we received were given by different people. The people we interact with varies from one person to another. Our family is already different from others and they are the ones who influences us the most.

I would like to believe that people live their lives trying to be better every day, that every decision they make, they do that because that is what they think would make them better than yesterday although sometimes when we do that, we end up hurting other people. I would like to believe that people do not intentionally hurt us. I would like to live a life understanding people more than judging them.

I do not like to impose on people when it comes to life’s values because what I have experienced, who I met, who I love, who matters to me are different than them, so what they will do, what they will decide are theirs to make… their decisions can never be better than mine, nor mine can be better than theirs. Our circumstances are different, our influences our different.

We decide based on our own values, our own experiences, our own beliefs. I do not think there will ever be a right or wrong in this matter. I like to believe that we are all just selfish human beings trying to get ourselves and the people that matters to us live a life we know is good… but there are boundaries and that is a different thing.

Flea Market

Growing up, whenever I see a flea market, it indicates a fiesta is just around the corner and my heart gets giddy with excitement. I guess that’s how my penchant for such begun.

Every time I go to flea markets, I try to find something that will make me remember the place. Hats and earrings are the most common things I buy. I fancy it so much when I could make a story out of them and romanticize. I once bought a pair of earrings and thought what if it was a gift from a soldier to his lover but he died in the war and it was never given to her and so on and so forth.

Another thing I love to find are the food. If you want to try something than usual, surely flea markets have something unique to offer. Being an adventurer on foods, this is my own piece of heaven.

My last haul are Dutch cheese, French hazelnut jam and duck paté. They were from an international market at Kongens Nytorv. The market was there for a couple of days then they travel to the next city.

I am still a bit new here in Denmark, so there are still a lot of markets I need to explore. Who knows I might actually find that epic story I am looking for.

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French Chorizo

 

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Variety of cheese from The Netherlands

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Knitted stuff from Italy